So Long, Summer

Best quote of the summer...

Submitted by frazzled, sweaty older woman running to our counter...

"That plant over there needs some water, you need to water that plant by baggage claims."

So long, summer. And all your crazy, sweaty tourists you bring us.

Lost for an hour and a half and only suppose to go Arroyo Grande, 15 miles away!

In walks lady renting a convertible.
Lady rents convertible, happy that it's red, then asks directions to get to Arroyo Grande. No problem we tell her....this is where we are, turn left here, blah blah blah. You know same directions we give EVERYONE that needs to go to Arroyo Grande. This particular lady is in town for her daughters college graduation. I wish her a huge congratulations and send her on her way.

An hour and a half passes..........In walks said lady.......

Now she has a different dimeanor. She is crazed!

Lady: " Ok, so I have been driving around for an hour and a half and these directions are useless."

Me:" Really, did you make a wrong turn outside the airport?"

Lady: " I don't know, I ripped this map when I was so frantic, it's useless, it's useless!!"

Me: " Well ma'am, I don't know what to tell you. I gave you the map and I wrote on the map with arrows and L's for turning left and R's for turning right. I don't know what other things I can do, the map is all I have."

Lady:(Throwing me the map) " Well this thing is useless and we have been just driving around and we are trying to get to Arroyo Grande."

We go back and forth with the map and directions and she just wants a GPS unit. I let her know like I did when I rented the car to her that we did not carry them. Upset she still is ranting that we got her lost and how she has asked 5 different people for directions and it's our fault for not giving her a GPS.

I walk away from the counter to find any additional maps in the airport......all the maps are identical to mine. While I was away from the counter I notice her college graduate daughter in the driver seat of the convertible casually taking pictures of herself sitting in the convertible. Now I start to think. If her daughter went to school here for 4 years.....how could they get lost getting to a neighborhood town? It baffles my mind......anyway.......

Woman is still ranting about how she only has 4 months to live and she doesn't want to waste her life driving around looking for her hotel. (And this rant went on for 20 minutes!) On her way out she leaves me a little note, it reads.....The customer is always right.

After the rant, we got down to how she got lost. She took our directions, followed them to the freeway, then mixed up our directions with directions she recieved from her hotel and then followed those.....

Moral of story: When you are planning a trip, pack your own GPS or print out your directions from Yahoo Maps.

For my next trick i'll make a truck appear out of thin air!

It's a beautiful Saturday afternoon around 12:30pm when I receive a call from a very frustrated customer....

Me: Thank you for calling ****. How may I help you?

Customer: (not so nice old lady) Hi, I'm here at your office on **** st. and there's no one here!

Me: Yes ma'am on Saturday's that office is only open until 12 noon.

Customer: Well no one told me that, and I have a reservation and I need a truck!

Me: I'm sorry ma'am but they're closed.

Customer: Well can I come to you and rent my truck?!

Me: No ma'am, we do not rent the trucks out of airport locations, and I am at an airport.

Customer: Well someone has to get down here and rent me truck right now!

Me: I can't do that ma'am. That office is closed until Monday morning at 8 a.m. and I can't just leave the airport.

Customer: Well you better call the owner or your manager or someone to get down here and rent me a truck. I had a reservation and we have a baby and we need this truck today!

Me: I'm sorry ma'am but that location has always closed at 12 noon on Saturday's so i don't know how you had a reservation for later than that. And I don't think the owner is going to come open up for one customer.

Customer: Well you're no help!

About 20 minutes later.... I get another call....

Me: Thank you for Calling ****. How may I help you?

Customer: (nice old man) Hi I'm returning a truck i had rented from you at your **** st. office. And there are two ladies here telling me to give them the keys so they can bring the truck over to you, at the airport, so you can rent it to them.? (he's a little perplexed)

Me: Oh no, please ignore them and drop the keys in the drop box. Whatever you do, do not give them the keys.

Customer: Ok that's what I thought. Not a problem.

Me: Thank you so much. Have a good day.

Then...... They come to the airport.... It's a mother daughter combo...

Customer: (red in the face) Hi! I'm the lady that you talked to on the phone! We need a truck and you're going to rent one to us!

Me: Ma'am like I explained before on the phone I can not rent you a truck out of this location. We can only rent trucks out of the downtown location which is closed for the day already. I don't have trucks here and I don't have the computer software system to rent you a truck.

Customer: Why could we not just bring that guys truck over here and you rent that to us?!

Me: Ma'am like I said I can't do that because I don't have the Software program to rent trucks out of this location, being that we don't rent trucks from this location.

Customer: Well call the manager or the owner or someone to get down here and to rent us a truck!

Me: (kinda smirking at the ridiculousness of the situation) Ma'am I am the manager here and the owner is not going to come all the way from **** **** just to open the shop for you. I'm sorry but the location that rents trucks is closed.

Customer: You know you're a real ass hole!

Me: excuse me?

Customer: you're sitting there all cocky not even trying to help us or anything!

Me: Ma'am what do you want me to do?! I don't rent trucks out of this location! The owner is not going to come open just for you. I'm sorry you're late but there's nothing I can do!

Customer: Well how do you know you haven't even called him or anything!

Me: (getting pissed at the delusional rational of this women) Okay. Fine. I'll call and see what he says if that will make you happy!

Customer: please!

Calling the boss.... Customer's mother says she's going to find someone to help them with in the airport... (ya good luck with that!)

Me: Hey what's up. (sarcastic undertone in my voice, knowing how he'll respond) I Have a customer here by the name of **** ****, and she has a truck reservation and wanted me to call to see if someone would come rent her the truck.

Boss: Ha! that lady is ridiculous! There's no way! That lady had a reservation for our **** location yesterday, (a location 45 minutes away,) and didn't get there in time, so we told her she could come to the location at **** st. (downtown) if she was there by 5 p.m. yesterday afternoon. And she didn't show. So then we set up a reservation for today at 12 p.m., but again she didn't show in time before we closed. So no she's not getting a truck. (chuckling)

Me: Haha, cool. That's what I thought. Thanks. Later.

I turn to the customer....

Me: So my boss says that there's no way we can get you in a truck today. I guess this is the third time we tried to get you in a truck, and you haven't showed on time, all three of those times. This is not our fault. We tried but you failed to do your part, so I'm sorry I can't help you.

Customer: UGHH!! whatever! bye!

Douchebag looking for a "Friendship" away from home....

I have this customer that flies in on a regular basis and this one particular trip we conducted business as usual. Just as he was about to leave he looked over at the girl seated to my left that is working for another car rental company(literally 5ft. away), he gently tosses this piece of paper over in her direction and walks out the door. I look over at her and ask what it was. It was his business card and on the back he wrote,"You are very attractive, call me." and then he signs his name. We look at each other and laugh it off. This guy is twice the age of the her. He is attractive, but she's got a boyfriend

He flies in again and again, and again.....each time, not mentioning anything to her again but casually looks over at her now and then and tries catching her eye. Never works. This goes on for a couple of months, then low and behold he comes in again, but this time it's different.....

He walks up to the counter to rent his car, as usual. But now this time he has company. His WIFE! And his TWO children...

This time during his rental process, he never even looks her way. His eyes are focused straight. He just gets his contract and keys and out the door he goes.

Really.....you're married??? How many other girls has this DB dropped his business card at and how many of them took the bait?


NOT THE ONLY ONE!
We also once had this guy give us a frantic call after returning the car to us. He was on a layover between flights and remembered he forgot something in the vehicle. This particular something was VERY important to him. This is how we knew it was so important:

"Hello, thank you for calling *****, this is *****, how can I help you?"

"Hi, this is *****. I just returned a call this morning and I left something really, really important in the glove compartment."

"OK, no problem, we will run out to the vehicle and retrieve it for you. What are we looking for here?"

"My wedding ring. I left my wedding ring in the glove compartment and I need you guys to overnight it to me immediately!"

"Ok sir, we will send it. Is the address that we have the one you want it mailed to?"

"No, no, no, send it to my office. Here is the address. Don't send it to my house."

"Ok, we'll take care of it."

HANGS UP.

We get it out, mail it to his office, but wouldn't it have been pretty funny to mail it directly to his home.....We could have attached a note that read:
Hi Mr.*****. We found this wedding ring in the glove compartment of the vehicle that you rented. It's odd how or why it would have wound up there, but we wanted to make sure you got it back. Oh and by the way, good luck with whatever your future holds.....

I would have loved to be a fly in that house once the husband got home from work......

Really, a friend?

In walks this guy with this "too cool for school" attitude....big smile on his face and says,

"Hey, so I need a car and you can just give me the F.O.K. rate."

I look at him a little puzzled and reply,

"Uumm, F.O.K. rate?"

"Yeah, you know, I'm a really good friend of the owner "Karl". You can just give me the F.O.K. rate, Friend of Karl..."

Even more puzzled now I look at him and just say,

"Well if you were such a good friend you would know that "Karl" is with a C!, so really it would have been the F.O.C. rate...but you know, don't worry, I will hook you up, I am SURE you are a great friend of Carl's."

I rent this guy a car and off he goes.....needless to say, I did hook him up. I gave him the D.A. Rate.....Dumb A**!

Lesson: Before you go and name drop....make sure you KNOW who you are talking about!

What! I'm not in Mexico?

Flight arrives.....woman gets off plane....walks the 50 ft from the arrival area to our counter. She casually looks over at us and says:

"How far is it to Cabo San Lucas?"
"Cabo San Lucas, you mean, in Mexico, uuummm, well to get to Mexico it's like a 6 hour drive then I don't know how far from there."

She has this puzzled look on her face...

"Wait...you mean we're not in Mexico???"

At this point I look over at the other counter agents as though we're in the twilight zone and then look over at her again and say:

"Uumm, you're in California."

"oh my gosh, what, what, California, what, oh my gosh...."

She then takes off outside and immediately gets on her cell phone......

Curious, we walk outside to see if we were just punked by this lady or what because who could really land in California and think they were in Mexico.....we see her standing in front of the terminal screaming into this cell phone of hers:

"I'm suppose to be in Mexico right now......"

We walk back into the terminal and wonder if this all really is happening, that this woman failed to:
1. Look at her ticket.
2. Listen to the announcements before the flight.
3. Listen to the announcements during the flight.
4. Listen to the announcements at the end of the flight.
5. Notice that you never went through CUSTOMS.

Minutes later we see her in line at the airline counter. She is still on her phone and in tears.....poor thing.

We didn't know whether we should feel sorry for her that her trip was ruined....or feel sorry for her for just....being her....hard one to choose.

Liar, Liar!

So there is literally 5ft between each company here on the darkside.....this is how it went down:

While I am sitting here doing absolutely nothing and waiting for my noon customer to come in, I start to eavesdrop on the company to my right. He is renting him a car that needs to go one way to Ontario....huh...funny.....the customer I'm waiting for is ALSO going one way to Ontario. Still sitting here twiddling my thumbs I notice he keeps looking over at me....huh....weird....why does he keep looking at me, besides the fact that I'm hot(ha ha, ok back to the story) I just keep thinking why does he keep looking over....I think nothing of it....he walks away and I ask the counter agent.....
"Was that guys last name P*****?"
"Yeah, why?"
"That was D**** P*****?
"Yeah, Was he your customer?"
"Yeah. Oh well, I guess I will just cancel his reservation."

(Now I'm thinking, Thanks for telling me dude!)

So its been maybe two minutes since this guy has walked out of the airport, my phone rings.

RING, RING, RING

"Hello, thank you for calling *****, this is *****, how can I help you?"
"Hi, my name is D**** P***** and I missed my flight from Phoenix that was suppose to arrive right now at noon and I won't be there now until tomorrow..."
"Oh, would you like me to just change your reservation for pick up tomorrow then?"
"No, No, No, we have to make other plans now so go ahead and cancel my reservation"
"OK, so the reservation was under D**** P*****?"
"Yeah"
"Wow that's funny, you're not getting here until tomorrow....so you weren't the guy over at **** just a minute ago renting a car?"
"No, No, No, that wasn't me. Just cancel my car reservation please. Thanks"

HANGS UP.

Liar Liar, gave me a good chuckle for the afternoon.....I wonder how long it took him to make up that story just to get out of a car reservation.....Wow, the people we have to deal with. I guess it was too much for him to look over at me and just cancel it when he was standing 5ft. away from me.

We talk to airplanes.....And rent cars...

Gentleman calls yesterday:

Me: "Thank you for calling ********, this is *****, how can I help you?

Him: "Yeah! I'm lost! I'm in the middle of all this construction and I don't know where you are, so that I can get this car to you?"
Me: "Okay, sir, just navigate your way through the construction towards roads that have signs that say 'Airport Terminal'. We're located just inside by the baggage belt"
Him: "Well I'm in LOT 5"
Me: "Okay"
Him: "Are you in LOT 5?"
Me: (Thinking to myself, 'there's not a single building in that parking lot') "No sir, our terminal is past LOT 5 and up the road, it's a BIG building"
Him: "Okay....okay thanks!" (hangs up)

Five minutes later....
It's the same guy calling...

Him: "yeah! I'm still way out here in BFE and I still don't know where you are!"
Me: "Sir, there are speed-bumps heading towards our building. Did you cross over the speed bumps?"
Him: "Of course I did!"
Me: "Okay, well our building is just past those speed bumps"
Him: "I SEE IT!! It's right here on the left!" (hangs up)

I sit back....expecting him any minute.....
He calls again...

Him: "They won't let me past the gate!"
Me: (puzzled, because you don't need to go through a gate to get to the terminal) "Huh?"
Him: "The gate! This guy right here in a red jumpsuit says I'm not allowed past the gate! What kind of an operation are you guys running here!?"
Me: (totally confused) "Sir....there is no gate to go through to get to us"
Him: "Yes there is! I'm staring at your tower right now! Can't you..(muffled phone) see (muffle) ME!?"

Now I know exactly where this guy is! And I'm trying my best not to laugh as I picture myself working as an AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER up in my tower, looking down at a man on his cell phone who is jumping and waving his arms at me.

Me: "Sir....that's the Air Trafficking Tower for the AIRPLANES. To get to me, go through the parking lot and PAY ATTENTION to signs that read 'Airport Terminal' through the parking lot you are currently standing in."

Him: "Huh? Oh, the blue sign here!? (he reads aloud, 'Car rentals') Through the parking lot you say?"
Me: "Yes, sir. I'll see you shortly" (I hang up the phone)

Dirty Cars Does Not Equal Bailouts

So, just yesterday I get a frantic call from a woman about 10 min. after opening,

Me: "Thank you for calling ******, this is ********, how can I help you?
Her: "Hi! I need to know. Do the carwashers clean the cars in the morning?!"
Me: ".....Yeees."
Her: "Okay good! That means they found my laptop under the passenger seat in the car I rented!"
Me: "Okay, um ma'am I'm going to need to know what car you dropped off last night?"
Her: "Oh! It was a blue focus"
Me: "Okay, I'll get your number and go down to the vehicle and check it for the laptop, and call you right back."

I then proceed to walk out to the car to check the vehicle for the laptop. I open the back door, and looked under the passenger seat.
Sure enough, there it is. I turn to close the door, and notice sand all OVER the floorboards in the back seat, looking up towards the seat, I notice hair.....TONS of hair! It covered the whole back seat. I open the front passenger side door and it's the same story in the front seat, with an additional mess of 6 to 7 empty bottles and drinks all over the place.
NOW, my initial thoughts of anger towards the lack of respect from individuals who rent cars was immediately extinguished with the fact that I was trying to have a good day, and at this point, it was only 8 o'clock in the morning.

I go back to my counter and check out the reservation, where I'm able to view the contract and price that the customer rented the vehicle for.
I notice that the customer had the car one day at a price of only $** a day. Now comes the point where I have to charge the customer as per our contract terms and conditions for returning cars FILTHY DIRTY.
$** charge.
I then call the woman and leave a voicemail, then I kick back and start daydreaming of the situation I'll have to deal with in the next 24 hours when she finds out how much she was charged.

Trust me, I was prepared.....

The next morning,

Me: "Thank you for calling ******, this is ******* how can I help you?"
Her: "Yes, HI...This is ****** and I left my laptop yesterday??"
Me:(smiling) "Hello, how are you this morning!?"
Her: (sensing my smile, I assume, starts yelling) "I am horrible!"
Me: (overjoyed)
Her: "..I just had my checking account get charged for more than I had in the account and YOU are going to pay for ALL of my overdraft charges and GIVE me a refund on what I payed for the car rental, because I am furious to see what I was charged!!"
Me: "Ma'am, I'm sorry but when we did a further examination of the inside of the vehicle, we noticed that there was more than an INCH of dog hair all over the back seat, empty beverage containers covering the floorboards and SAND carelessly piled throughout the vehicle.."
Her: "...."
Me: "So, you did receive a *** charge for the misuse of the vehicle and lack of respect for returning the vehicle in the same manner it was given to you."
Her: "I didn't know you charged for that stuff! This is a scam! You're just trying to make money off of innocent people like me! I didn't read that there was that sort of charge ANYWHERE on the contract. SO I WANT MY MONEY BACK!"
Me: "Actually.....You did legally sign a contract stating that you would abide by the terms and conditions that were provided to you with the contract. And I quote..."

I then read the paragraph and line to the woman stating that she would be responsible to pay any additional fees for the cleaning of the vehicle as per the terms and conditions that I had sitting right on my counter.

Me: "....so unfortunately I cannot pay your overdraft fees for your bank, whether they may be for this rental or other transactions, AND I cannot refund you your cash since I do hold in my hands the very same contract you signed before you were given the keys."
Her: "Umm....Okay."
Me: "Thank you. Have a great day!" :)

Passport Lady

So this was just annoying.
So this woman walks up to the counter. She drops all her belongings on the counter and is going through her wallet. She starts to hand me her passport and says she's here to pick up a car. She is continuing to say how she just had her wallet stolen while she searches for her credit card. I hand her back her passport and say," Sorry ma'am, I need a drivers license to rent you the car, the passport isn't sufficient. "
She says," Did you not hear me, I just told you my wallet was stolen."
I say," Yes, I did, but that is a requirement. Do you have your DMV print out acknowledging that your license is valid?"
She says," How am I supposed to do that?"
Me," Well, you need to go to the Department of Motor Vehicles"
Her," How am I supposed to do that?"
Me," It's on ****** Street."
Her," How am I supposed to do that?"
Me," Taxi cab out front"
Her, "Ugh....fine."
She walks away.....30 minutes later she appears ready to rent her car with the DMV printout in hand.
And to top it off, you would think that she was from out of the area or something, NO, she lived in town!

Always remember, you need a DRIVERS LICENSE to rent a car!

The Fanny Pack Mystery

When you are returning your car it's usually not hard to remove all of your belongings from said vehicle, especially the "Important" items. We rented a vehicle to Mrs. X that was traveling to Colorado on a week rental. One day into the rental, we get a phone call from a Mr. Y stating that he left something "VERY Important" in the vehicle he had returned 2 days prior. We ask what this important item may be, he states, it is his Fanny Pack. (I don't know about you but the fanny pack isn't quite the best accessory one wears! LOL!) We look in our lost and found and let him know that it was not found and the car is currently on rent and will return in a week. He wants us to call the customer and makes sure she finds it and returns it when she comes back. We agree to call her. Call is made to her immediately and she says," Oh, ok, no problem. Whatever I find I will return it when I get back. " She sounds very nice on the phone. She is an elderly woman in her upper 60's. The cute grandma type if you know what I mean. Later in the day we get the call from Mrs. X.

"I need to speak with your manager, immediately!"

"Ma'am, this is the manager, how can I help you?"

"Well I found this fanny pack and you better get a hold of that guy and give him my cell phone number because I want to talk to him immediately!"

"Ma'am, what's wrong?"

"If he doesn't call me on my cell phone then I am going straight to the authorities!"

"Ma'am, is this something illegal? I don't want you to be dealing with anything illegal."

"Just have him call me immediately or I WILL go to the authorities!"

I immediately hang up the phone, call Mr. Y and tell him that Mrs. X is very uncomfortable and she wants you to contact her on her cell phone immediately. I give him her cell phone number and just wait to see what happens next.

I get a call from Mr. Y. " Hello, I just wanted to let you guys know that I spoke with Mrs. X and I am going to meet her and pick up my fanny pack, thanks."

So the days go by and we merely forget about the whole fanny pack and then in walks Mrs. X.

"Hello, how can we help you?"

"Hi, I'm returning my car." (At this point some man walks up to Mrs. X and says hello to her and they give each other a great big hug).

Mrs. X tells me that she will be right back. They both walk out and I'm left there wondering where the heck she was going.

The man that just greeted her walks in and up to my counter,"Hello, I'm Mr. Y and I just wanted to let you know that I just got my fanny pack back from Mrs. X. Thank you so much. Goodbye." He walks away.....

In walks Mrs. X," Hi. I'm returning that car and I just want to let you guys know how inconvenienced I was to have to deal with that Fanny Pack."

I reply," Sorry Ma'am, Unfortunately some things can get overlooked when cleaning the cars and this happen to be one of those instances."

She replies," Well that was ridiculous. I wasted all my vacation making phone calls to that man and I had to hold his fanny pack.....I'm just upset and frustrated."

Again I apologize and think....you just hugged the man.....right in front of me.....what's the problem.....what was in the fanny pack??

At this point I can't even ask her what was in the fanny pack because she was so upset.

I gave her a discount and handed her receipt and sent her on her way..........

What could it have been... drugs, jewelry, money, pornography.....To this day I wonder.....what was in that fanny pack???

When you rent a car, please remove your valuables....if they are valuable to you, then you would have removed them if they were so important!